A Wallflower's First Love

She looks to be the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen. No matter what they say, she will be the best for me, but I never realized that a problem will arise if we stay together.

                The rising of the sun makes me wonder why I am here. The hush of the wind whispers as he wakes me up. The green grass of the not-so-commercialized province of mine is really uplifting and making me shine in my own way. This is the day that I will propose. This is the day that she will know how much I love her.

                The tick of the clock makes me excited as I start my new day. I can be with her all Day, 24/7. I was thinking things more seriously (i.e. having a baby with her). I thought my life would be in a great place with her, but then again, I don’t know what to say.

                She is my first love. I do not know how, when, and where I realized that I do have a romantic attachment with her. I just thought that she could help with my studies because she is my inspiration. She is really imperfectly perfect.

                Because of her, I want to be in school in no time. As I rode a jeepney, my heart feels her caress. If I can fly, I think I have done it now. I JUST WANNA SEE HER!

                As I arrived in our school, all eyes were on me. They wondered why I dressed indifferently. They thought before that I was really attached with my studies and I do not care about anything else. When a few friends of mine interrogated me why I acted like that, I told them my plan. She pushed me to my room and I have seen the worst set-up my eyes can conceive.

                She was in his arms and they were kissing. I just want to cry and exclaim what have she done to me. But then a truth came to my mind: I was just her friend. A best friend rather. I will never have a more intimate relationship with her. She really loves her no matter what.

                I just walked off away from that room and cried. Questions came in and out of my mind. I do not know what to believe. I just sobbed in disbelief. I was really irrational with my actions.

              The setting of the sun made me realized why I am here. The hush of the wind carries me to my bed. The green grass of the not-so-commercialized province of mine is really annoying. This is the day that I will give up on love. This is the day that I will forget her together with the memories that we have shared. 

Me, Myself, and I: A Quick Overview

Tick-tock-tick-tock. A new day starts with a blast.

As I reminisce everything from the day that I was born until now, a new part of me emerges out from his closet. Basically, something that is unfamiliar introduces himself and runs in front of the stage to make himself recognized. I try to solve the puzzle and let the book of life open to show the world who is the real me.

I don’t know how to start this. My head has no thoughts to share, but I am trying (or should I say urging) myself to get one.

Listening on my favorite radio show, I am sitting on the same old rocking chair, “guarding” my so-called business. The heat of the sun makes my sweat glands work. I could hear the wind pass as the atmosphere becomes darker. As I watch the green grass dance with the wind, I can feel my nerve cells pass information one way to another.

Back to the real world, I am trying to figure out what I am going to tell here. Something everyone could relate. Now, I am overpowered by fear: fear of getting lost… fear of being bullied by the ones who can not understand the real ME and will not bother to understand… fear of being underestimated because of showing my true self…

I am now making a heart-felt decision. I am going to face and conquer those little fears of mine and put a smile on my sad face.

I am a teenage bisexual. At the age of 17, I am now handling the pressure of the not-so-good world. If you’re asking me why I know (or choose) to be one, I would just answer the same 3 little words… I DO’NT KNOW. As what a famous gay icon here in the Philippines has said, being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender is NOT a sexual preference. If it was, it would take a person a million times to think before he decides on what he want to be.

At first, I am forcing myself not to be one, but a great and soft part of me wants to be recognized. I do believe before that the LGBT community is a taboo, but now, I’m part of them. Expect the unexpected. I’m writing this for the purpose of understanding and persuasion. We are just being thrown in the dark.

Because of that, most of us are now hiding in our little, scary closet, being feared by everyone because of the belief that we are a lie from the demon and a knight of hell. I want to prove that they have only mistaken and we are created by the Heavenly Father equally but with limitations, limitations in such a way it would greatly affect our values.

I realized that the environment is with me. The wind passes faster. The atmosphere cries as it drizzles a little. My feet start to feel uncomfortable.

I can never please everyone. All I want is to be accepted and be considered as a part of the society. With a deep breath, I can say that this is the start of my new beginning…