You Really Need To Choose!

Well, every student needs to sleep. It is really implied that a person needs to sleep at least 8 hours a day so his body could still manage to do works for the next day, but what if certain circumstances blocks this daily habit? Would you rather sacrifice some good and awesome sleep with some awful and risky long study night?

I guess my answer will be a very big fat no. Well, after that habit, I guess I need to retake some of my subjects for the next semester.

It is really difficult for people like me to sacrifice a very nice sleep. I just do not know why some people can live a week without those very essential tool for life. For me, I would rather have a big fat 5.0 than to have some big eye bags.

No matter what they say, before, I will choose sleep than study. I think nothing will lose if I choose that kind of habit, but when my grades were given, well, change habit for me in the next semester.

As a famous quote in UP goes, “Ang tulog nababawi, ang singko hindi.” God bless for me in the next semester!

Well, Money Not Well Spent

It is really tough to live independently. All the struggles and hardships will be given to you. No matter what the people say, having your life in your bare hands is not really a good one… for now.

I thought that going to college will give me some sort of freedom. I guess I could have some partying all night long while having some fun. As a probinsyano, I have my expectations. Oh, I could go this place! This thing! I want to try this stuff. In the end, I end up sobbing. I spent all my money.

My friend Winna is my savior. She lent me some of her baon to help suffice my lost weekly allowance. It is really uplifting to know that I have a friend like her that will save in times of emergency. Nonetheless, I do not know what I will do without her.

All my life I have been suffering from this kind of disease. I do not know what I will do if I do not have this kind of friends. I guess, I’ll live my miserably.

Notes, A Student's Savior!

As a student, our life is basically surrounded by notebooks, papers, and pens. Without this stuff, our student life will never ever be complete. We do have our long exams, periodical tests, short quizzes, but where are we going to have our refines for those examinations? Well, you got it right. From our notes.

Being a student, we are really bounded by our own beliefs in what methods we are going to use for our our examinations. Some may say that they have very good listening skills; thus, they do not need any of those notes for their struggles.

What if they are like me? I am not that kind of person.

I really need to have some notes, but because I am that kind of person that sleeps rather than listen to the teacher while in class, well, that is kind of a problem.

Notes are the basic foundation of student life, as if it is like an atom in a matter. Without this notes, your life will be ruined. A person will not know where he or she will be in the next 24 hours (it may be because he will get a very low grade in Environmental Science, so he will not go home after the test). Notes will always be as important as it is right now. Without those, a person should expect that his life will be a living hell.

Well, this semester is having an end already. I guess my notebooks also have their breaks.

A Monster named Procrastination

Oh well. College life will never be known without its difficult projects, terrifying long exams, and lastly, terrible deadlines. I guess all students fear all this stuff, but I? Well, it doesn’t really matter… for now.

I thought life would be easy during college (that’s my resolution before going to this tertiary level. I will never ever be as studious as before). I just sleep during classes, do my home works and requirements when it is almost on the deadline, and stuff like that. What matters for me is just to have fun. I do not care what my grades will be. All I want is to show the world that life will not be ruined because you just have low grades (duh, what really matters most is what you have learned during those times).

Until I got my score in Natural Science I. Yes, I had a passing score, but it is really discouraging to know that a student which is leading in the class when he was in his high school years now has a score of just 69.73%. What a shame. I just cried and ask the Lord to erase all my wrongdoings this semester, but nothing happened. All I did was to regret all this things.

I grasped the reality of life. As students, we will always be followed by these monster called grades. I guess it is time for me to study for my next semester.

Numbers Are Just Numbers

Life. It is so complicated. No one really knows what will happen in the next few moments, or even just in the next millisecond. Everything could happen. There are an endless number of possibilities that could happen in this time. It may come a time that earthquakes can be predicted, but not on what will happen on someone’s life. No one can, and no one will.

Grades. It comes in many varieties. It may be in letters, words, of even numbers. It will show how much you have scored on a test. It will testify that you have learned something in your classes. It will give you respect. It will make you famous sometimes. It will you give you hardships. It will give you tears.

What if you will combine these two variables? Can life control grades? Can grades manipulate life?

All my life I have been brain washed that grades will give you good jobs. Grades will make you earn more. Grades will you have good fortune. I should study and acquire good grades. It will be an endless cycle. This mindset changed when I entered UP.

I thought I was the best among all students in our class. I was making so many Pabida during classes. I raise my hands frequently. I ask questions. I even did some interruptions during our discussions just to let them see that I am superior. I am MJ. I am their fears.

Something bad happened during my Essay writing class. I wrote the worst article. My professor told me my flaws and my wrongdoings. He even said that I was looking so pitiful during those times. After that incident, I was in the state of shock. I cried during that night.

I realized that life does not really go hand in hand with grades. What really matters in life is what you have learned in school and how you will apply them in life. Grades are just numbers and it will never ever be equal on what life could give you.

Just You: My One and Only

Dreams are just smokescreens of having you. The fate of love will never ever be in our favour. I suppose I just need to be more invulnerable and numb.

Clouds start to swirl the sky in this early morning. In my ear lobes, the hush of the wind is a whisper. In the east, the sun is starting to rise with its might and power. The screech of the cars and its proponents is a soundtrack of early morning, but I do not mind. The smell of the flowers in bloom is waking me up. The room is a paradise in the making because I am with you, but I will never have the time to be with you. My day will start because of you, and all its components will all be the reasons for the strengthening of my day.

Our first meeting was disarray. Formality was not seen during that moment. An archetypal couple would rather be dead than have that kind of acquaintance. I just cross the path with you in the most typical rendezvous where the most unexpected people have coincided their fates. You wanted to have companions, maybe friends so you posted in our site. I was curious and I want to know your more about your identity, or shall I say that I was just really timid on befriending my classmates because I cannot feel the belongingness that I want to sense so I find other people as an alternative for this. I thought it was just another typical routine of add friend-accept friend request-stalk profile-ignore friend. You posted in my wall. I perused and replied a message on your wall post. As I never expected, our correspondence bolted then.

We chitchatted about everything and anything under the sun. Your college life, my freshie experiences, mass communication theories and the sorts, your previous intimate relationships, mishaps, struggles, and victory were our matters. My sexuality is not an issue for you for you are so open-minded. The feeling of belongingness was in the air when we are conversing. I even thought of having some good future: you and I happily in the nearby boulevard reminiscing all the things that we have shared when we are still kicking with delight.

Now, you are the reason why I live. Your smile is my pathway and guide to school. I even consider it as a guide on my day-to-day routines. My books, ideas, thoughts, and goals are from your eyes. The demigod face of yours is my model of a God.

Reality does strike the heart really hard. As what a famous colloquial word describes the people having vague relationships with other people, I am Friendzoned. My heart started to perceive the sting of a first heartbreak. I can no longer feel the real essence of love. The tears in my start to fall and defeat hits in my young heart. I was lost. I was in apathy. My end is nearly coming.

Now, I am nurturing everything love can give to me. I am ready to endure the pain, but the sad question is, are you also ready to do the same for me? 

A Wallflower's First Love

She looks to be the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen. No matter what they say, she will be the best for me, but I never realized that a problem will arise if we stay together.

                The rising of the sun makes me wonder why I am here. The hush of the wind whispers as he wakes me up. The green grass of the not-so-commercialized province of mine is really uplifting and making me shine in my own way. This is the day that I will propose. This is the day that she will know how much I love her.

                The tick of the clock makes me excited as I start my new day. I can be with her all Day, 24/7. I was thinking things more seriously (i.e. having a baby with her). I thought my life would be in a great place with her, but then again, I don’t know what to say.

                She is my first love. I do not know how, when, and where I realized that I do have a romantic attachment with her. I just thought that she could help with my studies because she is my inspiration. She is really imperfectly perfect.

                Because of her, I want to be in school in no time. As I rode a jeepney, my heart feels her caress. If I can fly, I think I have done it now. I JUST WANNA SEE HER!

                As I arrived in our school, all eyes were on me. They wondered why I dressed indifferently. They thought before that I was really attached with my studies and I do not care about anything else. When a few friends of mine interrogated me why I acted like that, I told them my plan. She pushed me to my room and I have seen the worst set-up my eyes can conceive.

                She was in his arms and they were kissing. I just want to cry and exclaim what have she done to me. But then a truth came to my mind: I was just her friend. A best friend rather. I will never have a more intimate relationship with her. She really loves her no matter what.

                I just walked off away from that room and cried. Questions came in and out of my mind. I do not know what to believe. I just sobbed in disbelief. I was really irrational with my actions.

              The setting of the sun made me realized why I am here. The hush of the wind carries me to my bed. The green grass of the not-so-commercialized province of mine is really annoying. This is the day that I will give up on love. This is the day that I will forget her together with the memories that we have shared. 

Me, Myself, and I: A Quick Overview

Tick-tock-tick-tock. A new day starts with a blast.

As I reminisce everything from the day that I was born until now, a new part of me emerges out from his closet. Basically, something that is unfamiliar introduces himself and runs in front of the stage to make himself recognized. I try to solve the puzzle and let the book of life open to show the world who is the real me.

I don’t know how to start this. My head has no thoughts to share, but I am trying (or should I say urging) myself to get one.

Listening on my favorite radio show, I am sitting on the same old rocking chair, “guarding” my so-called business. The heat of the sun makes my sweat glands work. I could hear the wind pass as the atmosphere becomes darker. As I watch the green grass dance with the wind, I can feel my nerve cells pass information one way to another.

Back to the real world, I am trying to figure out what I am going to tell here. Something everyone could relate. Now, I am overpowered by fear: fear of getting lost… fear of being bullied by the ones who can not understand the real ME and will not bother to understand… fear of being underestimated because of showing my true self…

I am now making a heart-felt decision. I am going to face and conquer those little fears of mine and put a smile on my sad face.

I am a teenage bisexual. At the age of 17, I am now handling the pressure of the not-so-good world. If you’re asking me why I know (or choose) to be one, I would just answer the same 3 little words… I DO’NT KNOW. As what a famous gay icon here in the Philippines has said, being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender is NOT a sexual preference. If it was, it would take a person a million times to think before he decides on what he want to be.

At first, I am forcing myself not to be one, but a great and soft part of me wants to be recognized. I do believe before that the LGBT community is a taboo, but now, I’m part of them. Expect the unexpected. I’m writing this for the purpose of understanding and persuasion. We are just being thrown in the dark.

Because of that, most of us are now hiding in our little, scary closet, being feared by everyone because of the belief that we are a lie from the demon and a knight of hell. I want to prove that they have only mistaken and we are created by the Heavenly Father equally but with limitations, limitations in such a way it would greatly affect our values.

I realized that the environment is with me. The wind passes faster. The atmosphere cries as it drizzles a little. My feet start to feel uncomfortable.

I can never please everyone. All I want is to be accepted and be considered as a part of the society. With a deep breath, I can say that this is the start of my new beginning…